My Road Trip

OK, so I've gotten so heinously depressed lately, that I've lost all touch with actually WANTING anything. I realized that was a bad thing, but didn't have much of a solution, since, as I mentioned, I couldn't manage to want much. I had ceased caring if I ever actually got to Mexico (I didn't even want to get out of bed in the morning, Mexico was not exactly on my radar). Then, as I was casually flipping through the latest issue of Sunset Magazine, I saw these gorgeous pictures of recommended road trips for the Fall out here in the West. I used to like road trips (before they involved moving heavy crap and dragging 50 pets cross-country as fast as possible), and I love taking photos! And suddenly, I wanted to go somewhere and do something again. So, in an effort to relocate my sanity, I decided to do something I actually WANTED to do and hit the road.

Day 1: I drove up to Vegas where I had an absolutely fantastic time hanging out with RockabillyGypsy and her Purple Fairy Cohort. Freemont street was a blast! And then the three of us went and got me the tattoo I've been wanting for forever. It was brilliant all the way around. I'm totally going back up to see Gypsy when she's back in LV, or else we can always tear-up Phoenix ... or Guadalajara (or wherever I end up) ... or Dublin ;-)

Video of the view from my suite (they upgraded me, bless them) @ the Gold Spike - that´s part of the canopy over Freemont Street you can see:

And the tattoo (the morning after). 

Supposedly / hopefully it means "Serenity"

Day 2: I went to Zion National Park and took these pics (before spending the night in Lehi, UT):

Day 3: Started off the day doing the Alpine Loop (heaven on earth):

And then finished the day at Arches National Park:

Day 4: Started in Monument Valley ... 

and ended in the Grand Canyon:

And on Day 5 I got some pics of Oak Creek Canyon and Red Rocks State Park on my way home from Flagstaff: 

Now, my depression came back about 3 hrs. after I got home and I'm still kind of grasping blindly for something to WANT ... but the trip was a very good thing overall. 

BTW, more photos will be posted to flickr and redbubble soon.

daydream believin'

So after a totally disastrous week-long return home in early July, and another month in the hospital and SNF (skilled nursing facility - the PC term for nursing home), my mom finally came home on August 9th. Now, I love my mom and I'm glad she's home and doing as well as she is, but the ONLY thing keeping me marginally sane at the moment, is a combination of daydreaming about, and actual planning for, my move to Mexico (which I'd decided in April/May that I'd do in July). So come hell or high water I'm not putting it off any more!

I'll be heading down to GDL in November (by myself) to get a house and everything sorted. Then I'll come back up for a couple weeks at Christmas and pick-up Gracie. I'm giving myself until I come back up to PHX for my dad's birthday in May (it'll be his 60th so we're gonna do something big(ish) and invite everyone) to decide whether GDL specifically, or Mexico in general, is a good fit for me. If I don't absolutely hate living there, then I'll seek out a real/legal TEFL job (not just the tutoring work I'll be looking for in the interim) and get myself some legal residency. And if I did hate it ... there are plenty of other places to try .. but I really liked Guadalajara when I visited in 2009, so I don't think I'll be too unhappy there.

I'm STILL holding out some hope that my mother will stop being SO stubborn (she's the only hold-out) and consider moving down to Chapala/Ajijic with all the other gringos. My personal theory is that, sadly, location has MUCH less to do with one's quality of life than economics. And that to be a ¨rich American¨ in Mexico - complete with a maid, a private nurse, and doctors who make house calls - is fundamentally better than being an average American trapped in the US health ¨care¨ system; at the mercy of what insurance will cover. But if being in a nursing home doesn't open her eyes about her future, I don't know if anything will. I honestly think there's a way better chance that, being left alone with my mother, my dad will come around to my newly acquired/internalized point of view - which is that the person who cannot take care of themselves shouldn't really have the right to determine where/how those taking care of them live.

But my bottom line is that I'm 35, and I've been doing this off and on for 15 years now. My mother ALWAYS told me to NEVER become a nurse because it's hard/horrible work, with grueling anti-social hours, for comparatively little pay, and shockingly little respect. But for 15 years I've been doing exactly that - and for no pay. In fairness, I haven't spent every moment of the last 15 years in servitude - there have been stretches of time when my mom wasn't very bad off, a few respites of total freedom, and times when I came home of my own volition after royally screwing up my life - but I have definitely done this ENOUGH. So I'm going to do what I need to do - my parents can come along, or not. I can't make their decisions, but I will be making my own. And since years could pass (and have) while waiting for the best time to make my exit, I'm going to have to stick to my own schedule too.

“Man is free at the instant he wants to be.” —Voltaire

And we moved here for better health care?

So, yesterday morning my mom fell. We got her off the floor alright, but once up she found she couldn't stand on her own (forget about walking). So, 911 was called, and off she went to the  nearest ER. Now, my mom's been there a couple times before (brief visits), and didn't hate the place. And I've been once - though my opinion of the place was not quite as high.

My estimation of the place is that they're probably good for GSW's and addicts shopping for pills - they are VERY free with the pain meds - but anything else is probably beyond them. I was personally offered 5 different narcotics during my visit - 3 of which I should NOT have been offered because of allergies (not that they cared, apparently, since I was the one googling the drugs on my phone). Eventually I was given some Tylenol and parked in a wheelchair in some holding area for 4 hours before being sent home with NO answers (other than that it wasn't my appendix). I considered this fairly 3rd world - have never had such a bad experience in an ER in my life. But my mom's bad experience is topping mine by leaps and bounds!

For the first 7 1/2 hrs. of her time in the ER (with no food or water for the diabetic patient!)  they kept telling her there was ¨no reason¨ to admit her, since no bones were broken, and they were going to send her home. My mom kept trying to explain that she can't go home if she can't stand well/long enough to even get into the car. At one point, some IDIOT of a 'doctor' came in and told her they were going to have to send her home because ¨Nothing's broken, so this seems to be just a chronic thing you're dealing with.¨ I was on the phone with her at the time - couldn't believe my ears! What part of "I was walking UNTIL I fell this morning." do these people not understand?!?

So eventually, (7 1/2hrs. after arriving) they tried to get her to stand with a walker (and a whole handful of people holding onto her). She couldn't (DUH! That's why she's there, geniuses!). And a full ten hours after arriving at the ER she was admitted to the hospital - still without food or water. It was about 12 hours total before anybody brought the diabetic a sandwich and some ice water! As of this writing, they have still done NOTHING about the knee (beyond the ER x-rays), so we have no idea what's wrong with it. They've taken her for ECG's (for no fecking reason - her bad heart is the most stable thing about her at this point), but not for an MRI (or something) of her KNEE. And they've put her on the cardiac diet instead of the diabetic diet - her breakfast consisted of two poached eggs (OK), and 20,000 other HIGH SUGAR, but low sodium, items. Surprise, surprise, her pre-lunch blood-sugar was 296! Feckin' IDIOTS!!

Their focus is apparently on trying to 'find' qualifying reasons to keep her for three days in the hospital so Medicare will cover a subsequent stay in rehab. Now, I don't object to the rehab idea (my mom needed another stint there BEFORE she fell), but I have the sinking feeling that it's the glorified nursing home version of the word rehab. I also find it disturbing that a) her inability to stand is not considered a qualifying reason on it's own, and; b) nobody's investigating / treating her inability to stand. I just don't want this turning into them shuffling her off to a nursing home where she never walks again!

All I know is that NOBODY from this household is EVER going back to this hospital - not even if I'm bleeding to death or gasping for air do I ever want to be taken over there.