daydream believin'

So after a totally disastrous week-long return home in early July, and another month in the hospital and SNF (skilled nursing facility - the PC term for nursing home), my mom finally came home on August 9th. Now, I love my mom and I'm glad she's home and doing as well as she is, but the ONLY thing keeping me marginally sane at the moment, is a combination of daydreaming about, and actual planning for, my move to Mexico (which I'd decided in April/May that I'd do in July). So come hell or high water I'm not putting it off any more!

I'll be heading down to GDL in November (by myself) to get a house and everything sorted. Then I'll come back up for a couple weeks at Christmas and pick-up Gracie. I'm giving myself until I come back up to PHX for my dad's birthday in May (it'll be his 60th so we're gonna do something big(ish) and invite everyone) to decide whether GDL specifically, or Mexico in general, is a good fit for me. If I don't absolutely hate living there, then I'll seek out a real/legal TEFL job (not just the tutoring work I'll be looking for in the interim) and get myself some legal residency. And if I did hate it ... there are plenty of other places to try .. but I really liked Guadalajara when I visited in 2009, so I don't think I'll be too unhappy there.

I'm STILL holding out some hope that my mother will stop being SO stubborn (she's the only hold-out) and consider moving down to Chapala/Ajijic with all the other gringos. My personal theory is that, sadly, location has MUCH less to do with one's quality of life than economics. And that to be a ¨rich American¨ in Mexico - complete with a maid, a private nurse, and doctors who make house calls - is fundamentally better than being an average American trapped in the US health ¨care¨ system; at the mercy of what insurance will cover. But if being in a nursing home doesn't open her eyes about her future, I don't know if anything will. I honestly think there's a way better chance that, being left alone with my mother, my dad will come around to my newly acquired/internalized point of view - which is that the person who cannot take care of themselves shouldn't really have the right to determine where/how those taking care of them live.

But my bottom line is that I'm 35, and I've been doing this off and on for 15 years now. My mother ALWAYS told me to NEVER become a nurse because it's hard/horrible work, with grueling anti-social hours, for comparatively little pay, and shockingly little respect. But for 15 years I've been doing exactly that - and for no pay. In fairness, I haven't spent every moment of the last 15 years in servitude - there have been stretches of time when my mom wasn't very bad off, a few respites of total freedom, and times when I came home of my own volition after royally screwing up my life - but I have definitely done this ENOUGH. So I'm going to do what I need to do - my parents can come along, or not. I can't make their decisions, but I will be making my own. And since years could pass (and have) while waiting for the best time to make my exit, I'm going to have to stick to my own schedule too.

“Man is free at the instant he wants to be.” —Voltaire


La Yen said...

Good for you! I am proud of you. And I know the pull family can have--you are a hero in my book!

Rockabilly Gypsy said...

I know it has to be really tough! But I agree, and I think your Mom would probably agree and do the same thing if she was you! Plus now I have a place to stay in Mexico, eh? EH?!??!?! he he he

Kayt said...

Thanks you guys! The little voice in my head that tells me I'm the world's worst daughter needs the smack-down your support provides :-)

And you both totally have an inflatable mattress waiting for you anytime you're in mi nueva ciudad. I might even spring for a sofa bed ;-P

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