Desks, hospitals, tickets, and sucking on unlit cigarettes

I'm sitting here at 4am on Friday morning, listening to depressing music (ain't I always? LOL) inhaling deeply on an unlit cigarette (trying to eke out the sickly hint of tobacco essence available without actually setting it on fire), thinking about writing, thinking about thinking, thinking about nothing and everything.

My mom has been in the hospital since Tuesday night. My father took her over - he's nice to have around again - things fall a little lighter on my shoulders with him here (never thought I'd say that, but it's true). It's nothing major - an infection in her leg, but she has bad circulation and diabetes, so these things are always more critical than they would be on anyone else. They're pumping her full of antibiotics and sending her home soon. I would NOT admit this to anyone in my "real" life, but I'm simultaneously relieved to have a break from my mom (bad daughter material here) and worried beyond belief about her because that's my job in this life - taking care of her.

Wednesday night, after making a totally fab turkey soup and cheese bread feast for my dad and I, I filched one of my dad's cigarettes (after he went to bed), and LONGED to go out on the patio and light it up. I have not smoked a cigarette in almost 10 years, I quit shortly after my first asthma attack - being unable to breathe has a funny way of making you start to respect your lungs and their role in your continued existence. But seeing as how the urge was either to smoke, eat an entire Entenmanns cheese Danish cake thingy, or take something sharp to my arm - I went with sucking powerfully on my stolen non-combusting cancer-stick. I was surprised by how much of the aroma and flavor comes through even without applying a flame - not that I think cigarettes smell or taste particularly good - they just smell/taste like self destruction, which is what I'm going for at the moment.

And to top it all off ..... I got a parking ticket yesterday.
Why the man always gotta be hatin' on me?

But don't cry for me Argentina - I'll suck my brains out (I've now got a stash of two ciggies - one in the nightstand, and one in my desk drawer), write a new poem or twelve, gulp down my new addiction - Wild Cherry Pepsi - and pray for enlightenment of some sort. I need a trip to Palm Springs, a free shopping spree, or a vaguely hot boyfriend (but only for about 3 weeks).

Here are a couple "pic-ies" of the desk I mentioned before. My thrift store find, redone with free paint and stickers. I e-mailed it to one beloved friend who informed me that I should start my own business re-working ugly furniture. I like the sound of that, but it's just a thought rolling around in the midst of many others at the moment.

Desk in General:

Top of Desk Up Close:

PS> I plan on getting some cooler drawer pulls for the desk in the future, but I just haven't gotten around to it.


Anonymous said...

Pretty Pretty! Cost Plus has big books of cigar labels to cut out and paste--I may copy you. And you will never be a worse daughter than Lizzie Borden, so relax.

Anonymous said...

I love your desk! You did a great job.

LuluBunny said...

Thanks you guys - glad you liked the desk :)

And thanks La Yen for the Lizzie Borden comment - that put things into perspective ;)

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